MS Update & Freezer Meals

I wonder what kind of person I would be today if I hadn’t been told as a child, on a daily basis, by almost every single person in my life, “Kristin, don’t be so bossy.“?

Now, to be a boss is a compliment. My entire life though, being assertive, knowing what I wanted and leading have been put under the con column, under BOSSY. Like, I have no blame or finger-pointing, that was just the way things were. Now we know. And once you know, you can’t unknow.

I met my new neurologist a few weeks ago. My appointment was at 10:15 in Kelowna. I sat in the waiting room in front of the clock watching the hands tick by. At 10:21. I followed my new neurologist into his office. I introduced myself, and he asked me to describe my symptoms. I started at my head and described my memory issues, brain fog, words that I could no longer wrap my tongue around and he interrupted and said is that all? By the time I got to my feet, I was basically just pointing to limbs as he rushed me into the next part of our appointment, the exam. I touched my nose, he tapped my knee, I pressed on his hand and then we went back to his desk. He told me I had no new lesions on my MRI from last January (thankfully my family Dr had told me that earlier or I would have been worried for the last 8 months.) He told me that I had an excellent exam, I’m on the best drug out there and I need to focus on the positives. He said that the most important thing is knowing my triggers and just not doing them! He assured me that he would put in a request for another MRI in 10 months and he would see me again in a year. I mumbled something about just wishing I could do some thing about the fatigue as I walked out and he yelled, “wait I can give you a prescription for fatigue.” And he quickly wrote a years worth of prescription and said as he walked me to the door, “start with one a day and then move to two a day if you feel like it.” And sent me on my merry way. I walked out at exactly 10:30.

9 minutes.

At one point towards the end of our appointment, I knew I would not have time to ask questions and that I was being rushed. Every time I voiced a concern, he interrupted and told me to stop being so negative and to focus on the positive. As he began to wrap things up, I panicked thinking about how long I would have to wait to see him again and I put both my hands on the table and said with authority, “now please wait, I need to just get this out so please listen to me and please just let me ask this question. It has nothing to do with you (trying to stop him from cutting me off in defense). I have a question about me and something that surgeon said to me, and I was hoping you could answer! Please let me just finish my question!” He let me ask it finally, but I could see his think bubble… Bossy.

Meh.

I have been seeing a councillor/therapist lately. I think that I am dealing with my MS diagnosis well, but there is always room for improvement. She says I use humour to mask my trauma. Trauma. That’s a BIG word. I’ve never looked at the bumps in my road of life as trauma, I look at them as bumps in the roads of life that everyone has and you either deal with them well or you don’t. My view is softening a little as I come to see that I have tools to help me cope with those road bumps and am learning new tools all the time.

It is exhausting work but I am the BOSS of my life and that’s a POSITIVE thing! Life is a journey and we are always evolving and I for one, am grateful for that.