In my online MS group I get asked about my support system, a lot. Do I have a good one?
Yes. In fact, I have a GREAT one.
Which is awesome! For me. But what about them, my support system? Yeah, not so awesome. I feel SO much guilt that my “support system” didn’t ask to BE a support system, they got pulled into all of this because they love me.
It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.
I share a lot about the good days. Every once in a while, I will open up about the bad days, but this year, I would like to open up even more about those tough days. But it’s hard. Not to be vulnerable, actually, I find that showing the real stuff makes me feel better! I feel like I’m lying when I post all the great stuff, but honestly… All that stuff is great! But let’s be even more honest, it’s not great all the time. The problem is, how guilty I feel about making you feel guilty. We have perpetuated this culture that doesn’t allow us to talk about anything uncomfortable, so we as a community don’t know how to talk to each other about things like, chronic illness. Or how heat, cold, precipitation, stress, or menstrual cycles *gasp* affect that chronic illness. When I share about some of my worst days, people feel the need to say something positive, and I’m grateful. Really, I am. However, if you say, “get better soon”, that leaves me 2 options. Say, thank you and take the comment from where it’s coming from, a place of love… or educate. I am a big believer that knowledge is power and I tend to try to educate. Which makes people feel even worse! Which makes me feel worse. It’s a vicious cycle.
I got into a bit of a dialogue on social media recently with a friend, he really made my brain work overtime lol At the end of our back and forth I said “now I need to go lay down” and then he felt awful. Then I felt awful. But he shouldn’t have felt bad! He engaged my brain and left me a little tired because I wasn’t fully “there” that day. It made me think, should I have just said nothing? I see so many people say MS doesn’t define me, or I don’t let MS control my life. Is it because they just keep everything about their disease quiet? I don’t want that. The majority of my day is spent working around my symptoms! That would be like hiding half of me and my life! My Mom did that. Now she is gone and I don’t have ANY clue how she dealt with her MS symptoms or even what her symptoms were. None. Besides what I observed. The long naps, the balance issues resulting in the bruising, the choking on small bits of food, the mixing up of words and sentence structure. She just continued on like she wasn’t in constant pain, constant fatigue and heaviness. Am I just softer? Weaker? I feel guilty that I can’t just push through like she did. Would she still be here if she didn’t ignore her MS, if she had rested instead of not saying a word and keeping up with the rest of us younger and healthier family members, if she had asked for help, and communicated more about her needs and her symptoms?
I remember a trip to Seattle for my Sister’s Bachelorette and we made fun of her snoring, I joked about putting a pillow over her face in our shared hotel room! She must have been EXHAUSTED! We pushed her ass (literally) up a hill to keep moving and to take us shopping. She drove, paid, and kept up all weekend! Without saying ANYTHING! I think about that weekend a lot. When I am laying in bed, heavy with fatigue and buzzing with nerve pain, I think of that weekend.
There are so many layers to chronic illness. Thank you everyone for the support. Thank you for letting me have a safe space to talk about this. No matter what, saying the wrong thing is ALWAYS better than not saying anything at all.
Check out How Was Your Week, Honey? Episode #365: Coupé HERE!
This week we get together over a cocktail to discuss: afternoon yoga, sleepovers, serving mishaps, thrift shopping, vehicle insurance, 83.3 million, more strikes, S.O.W, Toronto and guitar lessons.
Lunar new year is coming up on February 10! We love to celebrate holidays from all over the world! It allows us to learn about them, eat new foods, and honestly, it’s always fun to make an ordinary day, a celebration! This year is the year of the Dragon! SBean is a Dragon! In Chinese folklore, The Dragon is a majestic and lucky creature that symbolizes bravery, creativity, and innovation. According to the Chinese horoscope, 2024 is a year full of potential and opportunities for personal growth, professional success, and social impact. If you would like to celebrate, Lunar New Year, this is a delicious dish, that’s way better than takeout, can be on the table in under 30 minutes and is made using simple ingredients!
Ingredients
2 lbs ribeye steak, cut into 2 inch thin slices
2 cups veggies (I used 1/2 orange pepper, 1/2 yellow pepper, broccoli, and snap peas)
1 white onion, chopped
2 tablespoons oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon ginger, minced
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/3 cup soy sauce
1 1/4 cup beef broth
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 teaspoon sesame oil
2 tablespoons cornstarch
Directions
Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large skillet, over medium-high heat. Add the steak and cook until lightly browned, about 5-6 minutes. Remove from skillet and set aside.
Add 1 tablespoon oil to the skillet. Add the veggies and onions and cook until tender, about 3-4 minutes.
Add steak back to skillet.
In a medium bowl mix together garlic, pepper, ginger, brown sugar, soy sauce, beef broth, rice vinegar, sesame oil, and cornstarch until well combined. Add to skillet.
Bring to a simmer and cook until sauce thickens, about 4-5 minutes.
Serve over hot rice garnished with chopped green onions and toasted sesame seeds.
This week was VERY chill. I continued Yoga with Adriene (modifying and skipping practices as needed), HBear had exam week, Ninja and I went thrift shopping and found new plant pots, a new chair, and lots of new cocktail glasses! SBean continued to dress to impress, had a rough time wrapping her head around the much NEEDED school changes in our district, and wrote a poem about Australia and the US. She is really getting into reading historical fiction, and discussing world issues with great questions and insight. I went to One14 Coffee Co. for our monthly coffee date with my MMBesty, to another Dr appointment, hung out with Oliver, Ninja started his new book, brought home flowers and doughnuts and took HBear to Costco. It was a chill week, that was much needed.
2 thoughts on “MS Realisms & Chinese Pepper Steak for Lunar New Year”
What an awesome-looking meal. Please do not forget to come and share it at InLinkz Senior Salon Pit Stop. This will be awesome! Thanks in advance and thanks for sharing it with us on FB at Yum Yum Hungry Hangout & Giggles
Thanks for the reminder!!! Have a great week!