We made it. We made it through my first full year of having MS. As I go through these days, this week reminds me that exactly 2 years ago, I had my first MS hug… That I knew of. Before that I was too busy to pay attention to my body. In fact, I had plans that evening with my girlfriends, and I was on my way to pick up a charcuterie board when it happened. I literally drove by the hospital and looked at it and thought, “am I having a heart attack? Should I go to the hospital? No, the lines at Safeway are going to be crazy and I only have a half an hour before I have to pick up the kids… I’ll do it later, if it gets worse.”
Did I have some numbness in my left thigh the week we went to Chilliwack for a family vacation? I think so, but I ignored it, chalked it up to a pinched nerve and continued on. Little signs. It wasn’t until mid December 2021, after getting very sick, (possibly Covid, but none of my take home tests came back positive) that I had my first major flare. Leaving me with over 20 lesions throughout my brain and down my spinal cord.
I am very lucky, less than a month later I was diagnosed and had an appointment booked with a neurologist. Having a neurological disease in a small city has its disadvantages. We only have 2 neurologists in Kelowna associated with the MS Society.
I am not going to fully rehash my appointments with my neurologist, except to say, there have been 4.
The first one, I don’t remember. I was still in the flareup and Ninja came with me. I wrote in the blog that I liked him and that he was straight to the point. I was officially diagnosed, we made a course of action for my treatment and we left after 15 minutes.
The second one I went by myself. I re-introduced myself but I didn’t wear makeup, I was in sweatpants, and I cried. He told me that I needed to get treatment for my mental health disorder and that I was depressed. He pressed on my hands made me touch my nose and I left in just under 15 minutes.
The third time, I did my hair, I wore a collared golf shirt and I put on my make up. I did not cry but my left leg was dragging after a long walk from the far parking lot. He explained to me that “highly productive women like me always complain to him about MS symptoms that aren’t really there. It’s because our minds can’t accept that we have to slow down because of our diagnosis. But there’s no proof that the symptoms are there.” I guess ALL the highly productive women’s “complaints” aren’t considered proof. He suggested getting someone to help me with my mental health problem. I explained I couldn’t afford therapy because I was denied disability because of his report even though I am disabled and unable to work. He said to get a referral from my Dr for prescribed mental health care. He tapped on my knee, made me touch my nose and I was out in exactly 15 minutes.
The 4th time was last week. It was also our last one. Ninja drove me so that I was alert and not dragging any body parts. I explained my situation. That my referral for mental health support was denied because they don’t feel I need it and their resources are limited. I then called public health for free services but as I am not suicidal nor am I a substance abuser, I don’t qualify for their services either. So, my family Dr. Put me on an antidepressant to “help” with my mental health but it is making me feel like I’m ramped up on caffeine all the time and costing me an extra $100/month that I don’t have. I have taken all the steps that you suggested and my symptoms are still there. They are real. They aren’t in my head.
He said, “I never told you to go on an antidepressant. I think you misunderstood me. I believe you that you think that you have these symptoms.”
I said, “Ok but I feel them. They are happening to me. So I know they are happening. Why do you think that I don’t have them?”
And he said, “because I’m a neurologist and that’s what I do. I know the science that you don’t know.”
So I explained that “I am assembling a team. A team of the best Drs and people to help me through this life, that is hard enough without MS. So I need people that I trust behind me because I’m only 44 & I fully expect to have a long and awesome life. I don’t trust you Mr Smith.”
He said, “It’s Dr. Smith.”
And I now have a referral for his esteemed colleague, the other neurologist in Kelowna. I was back in the vehicle with Ninja in 14 minutes.
It’s for the best. I’m still processing the whole experience. I have never had a bad experience with our healthcare system or a doctor, to be honest, this is all new to me. It’s funny how a doctor can make you feel though. How he can make you question what you feel and what you think. Even after all of that, I questioned whether I had made the wrong decision by even saying anything to him in the first place! For the first two days I was really mad at myself. He is the expert, who am I to question him? If he says that my leg shouldn’t drag, maybe I can just take a step and… Face plant. Nope. It’s not in my head. I did not misunderstand. This doctor that has known me for a total of 58 minutes does not know what I’m going through better than I do.
I’m hopeful that this next neurologist will be a better listener and a better fit for me. If not, I hear they have fabulous neurologists in Vancouver! 😉
Eat More Squares
3/4 cup peanut butter
1 1/2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips
2 cups roasted peanuts, salted or unsalted
Heat the corn syrup over medium-low heat until almost boiling, stir in the peanut butter and vanilla and heat for another couple of minutes before stirring in the chocolate chips. Boil gently for 4 minutes, stirring and scraping the entire bottom of the pan as it cooks. STIR CONSTANTLY!
Remove from heat and stir in the peanuts.
Adapted from Dixie Crystals
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tablespoon cornstarch
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons cinnamon, divided
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon cloves
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
3/4 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar, divided
1/4 cup molasses
1 lage egg
2 teaspoons vanilla
Preheat oven to 350°F and line 2 cookie sheets with a silicone mat or parchment paper. Set aside.
In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together flour, cornstarch, baking soda, one teaspoon of cinnamon, salt, ginger, cloves, and nutmeg. Set aside. In a small bowl, combine 1/4 cup granulated sugar and remaining one teaspoon of cinnamon. Set aside.
In a stand mixer, cream butter, brown sugar, and remaining 1/4 cup granulated sugar until light and fluffy, approximately 2-3 minutes. Add molasses, egg, and vanilla extract, mixing until well combined. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, and mix until fully combined.
Roll one heaping tablespoon of dough into balls and toss in cinnamon sugar mixture. Place on cookie sheets, leaving about 2 inches for spreading.
½ cup butter, soften
½ cup light brown sugar, packed
½ cup sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 ¼ cups flour
¼ teaspoon salt
2 cups coconut flakes (divided)
1/2 cup toffee bits
Preheat the oven to 350˚F. Line 2 sheet pans with parchment paper.
Scoop up the cookies in 2 tablespoon portions. Roll the tops and sides of the dough balls in the reserved coconut and place on the prepared sheet pans.
Bake for 12-16 minutes until light golden brown. Remove from the oven and quickly top each cookie with 1-1½ teaspoons of the toffee bits.
Adapted from Just So Tasty
Base Layer
1 cup butter softened
½ cup icing sugar
2 ¼ cup flour
½ cup butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons flour
4 eggs
2 teaspoon vanilla
¾ cup corn syrup
2 tablespoons vinegar
1 cup raisins
Preheat the oven to 350F degrees. Line the pan with parchment paper, leaving an overhang around the edges.
In a large bowl beat the butter and powdered sugar until fluffy.
Mix in the flour – the mixture will be thick. Press the mixture into the bottom of the pan.
Bake in the preheated oven for 15-20 minutes or until the top looks set and is a pale, golden colour. Remove from the oven and leave the oven turned on.
Beat the butter, brown sugar and flour until evenly combined.
Beat in the eggs and vanilla. Mix in the corn syrup and vinegar. Stir in the raisins. Pour the mixture over the gently baked crust.
Remove from the oven and cool completely before slicing for clean cuts and to ensure that the bars are set.
Adapted from The Shabby Creek Cottage
1 cup of butter, softened
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 eggs
2 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
2 3.5 oz bars of Toblerone
In the bowl of your mixer, mix together the butter, eggs, brown sugar, white sugar, and vanilla. Beat them together until the mixture comes together.
In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, salt and baking soda. Once the wet mixture is combined, slowly add in the flour mix until all is combined. Chop up the chocolate into slivers and mix into the batter. Chill in the refrigerator for about an hour before baking.
Scoop out 1-2 tablespoon amounts onto a baking sheet, and bake at 350 degree for 10-12 minutes until edges are golden brown.
½ cup butter
½ cup sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon allspice
Pinch salt
½ tsp baking soda
1 ½ cups rolled oats
2/3 cup raisins
½ cup hazelnuts
Cream the butter and sugars together well. Add egg and vanilla and beat until light and fluffy. Sift together the flour, spices, salt and baking soda.
Fold the dry mixture into into the creamed mixture. When the dry ingredients are almost incorporated, add the rolled oats, raisins and hazelnuts.
Chill the dough for an hour. Roll into one inch balls. Place onto a parchment lined cookie sheet about 2 inches apart. Press down sightly with the bottom of a drinking glass.
Bake in preheated oven for about 9-10 minutes.
This week started out with a bang. Literally. A complete accident but one of my clients backed into my van. Other than that, this week was great. The last week of school for the Kids, I submitted my 2023 ultimate book nerd Challenge completion form, we started wrapping, and of course, we baked. We watched Christmas Classics and HBear got her braces off!!!! I am so proud of this elastic wearing, teeth pulling, appliance wearing Kid 💛. On Friday we attended the lunch with Santa at the Lakeside Resort with Grandma & Grandpa. SBean was singing with her musical theatre group. It was an amazing spread with awesome entertainment! That night HBear and Grandma went on a date to the Nutcracker! On Saturday we met up with Papa, my Sis and her family and went to the District Wine Village to test out the new “ice” surface they have. It was absolutely definitely 100% not ice 🤣. You gotta do what you gotta do when you live in a desert! It was great to hang out by the fire, roast marshmallows, drink good wine, and enjoy a beer! On Sunday, SBean worked on her homemade gift while Ninja and Grandpa watched HBear in the Winter Solstice Concert with the Penticton Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts. We finished off the first weekend of Christmas break by driving up to find snow and a Christmas tree! I wish you ALL a Very Merry Christmas, from my Family to yours 💛.
